Quotes of My Perspective

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Part 1: reality check

The First Reality Check

Tell all: Part 1

I knew something was wrong…
... when the drugs and the cigarettes weren’t desirable…

 I wasn’t the stereotypical drug user, or rebellious-lost, 18 year old. I always told myself: as long as I could keep my grades up and maintain a classy appearance, the lifestyle was OK.
I was in my Hollywood apartment with a co-worker/friend, Kelly. For the last few days, she had been experiencing a burning sensation in her vagina. After several days of ignoring her concerns, I advised her to go to the gynecologist immediately. I even volunteered myself to take her to my doctor… I wasn’t just being a responsible-good friend; I had my own reasons for going.

            Regardless of my 'wreck less' lifestyle… when it came to certain things, I was extremely set in my ways. Sex was one of those things…

I have always been a very sexual person. Not like your typical ‘boy-crazy- girl that uses sex to fit in, or instigate circumstances to feel desirable... (I had my share of that) My sexual-self appreciated sex…
 Not just sex, but the overall sexuality of women. The control, the power, the complexity, the physical aspect for the female body, hormonal influences, fermions, chemistry, natural secretions, orgasms, psychology, mentality, instinctual & environmental influences,… everything separating woman from man & every other species.
            Femininity was always something I was proud of & held on another level. I viewed my vagina as precious and sacred, but that didn’t mean I was going to lock it away… I grew to feel as though, as long as I enjoy it, go for it… That may seem obvious, but it is bizarre as to the amount of women who have sex and rarely-never enjoy it.  

Back then I hadn’t discovered the 27years old and over rule yet… But as long as I was sexually active, I have always stuck by the condom rule. At that point, my pussy had never felt penis skin… not even for a second. Of course I got the ‘stupid honey boy’ pressure to ‘only put it in for a sec.’, or, ‘pull out before he cums..’. None of that mattered, condoms were a must.
            This was far too important to leave it up to a boy.  The only condoms entering me, were from my personal stash (that I always had). Not only that, but I insisted on putting the condom on the penis myself… all girls should know that in that moment before the condom goes on; male application reduces condom effectiveness by 20%. Avoiding the awkward discussion & killing the mood, I would put the condom on as part of the foreplay…(practice makes perfect). 
            I never revealed the fact that I was on the pill… not even to my boyfriends. I think the condom thing was also a control/ power-trip that prevented me from giving it all away. .. but it was taken from me anyway.
            As unlikely as it was with all the protection; when the drug cravings stopped, I knew I was pregnant.  I had been with my boyfriend (at the time), Aaron for several months. I never had unprotected sex with him, at least that was what I thought….

 I brought Kelly to this upper-class, fertility clinic that I was familiar with.  She went in one room, and I went in another.  I had a pregnancy test done to confirm what I already knew…. When the nurse came back, she had a large balloon that read “Congratulations!” We proceeded to do an ultrasound to see the baby. The check-up revealed that the fetus and I were extremely healthy and that it was 3 months old. It was predicted to be born April 9th.